Just cropdusted the office
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
