I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
