You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
