He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
