I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
