Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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