alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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