Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
