I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
