i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We got so high we made milksteak
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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