Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize