i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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