we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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