i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
