idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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