Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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