How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
