I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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