conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
