I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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