I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize