hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
