Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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