Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
