i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
