i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
