Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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