I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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