Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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