remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
