If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
