insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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