my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
