I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize