yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
