I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
