if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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