i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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