even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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