Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
