I'm going to jail i love you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
