Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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