I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
