there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize