dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
