don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
