Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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