party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
