I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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