So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
