Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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