i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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