I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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