I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
