I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
