is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
