so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
