That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
