I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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