Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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