im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
