I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
