the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
