i barfeds in our rink
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize